Part II

Well I did it Dad
I read it to you
I was so nervous
But very brave too

As the words poured from my mouth
Tears dripped down my face
When I got to certain parts
My heart started to race

As I read each word out loud
I started to realize
That every word was the truth
How I wish they were lies

When I said the last word
Our conversation went silent
I felt really terrible
Because I thought you were cryin

My suspicions proved wrong
You weren't crying a bit
Each word that I said to you
Didn't mean shit

When you finally spoke
The words that you said to me
Were that you had no desire
To have us as your family

I wish Gramps were here now
To see who you've grown to be
He'd be pretty disgusted
With you entirely

You never wanted us
All you wanted was control
Mom let you for a while
But not anymore

She moved on from you
We wanted her to so bad
Because now we have the father
That we never had

Now our new father figure
May not be from blood
But he gives us something you couldn't
And that something is love

I would love to say I hate you
But that wouldn't be true
Because to feel that emotion would mean
I care even a little for you

We don't have to listen anymore
To all the lies that you say
But you won't be fooling anyone
On your final Judgment day.

Because of You

In You I find peace.
In You I find love.
In You I find forgiveness.
And by following You I am able to feel You....
Holding my hand and telling me that everything is going to be okay.
Saying to me that "You do not disappoint me, my child. I love you".
Because of You I lose guilt.
Because of You I find security in myself.
Because of You I can be who I am meant to be.
Because of You I feel a sense of belonging.
Thank you Lord for being patient and kind.
For always believing in me when either myself or anyone else did not.
Thank You for showing me the true meaning of unconditional love
when my fleshly father could not.
Thank You for never leaving my side but only to carry me.
I lift my hands up to You. You are awesome God...
For proving that this lost soul could be found worthy unto you.
You were there when I lost faith and
there to guide me into this life that I am leading.
I do this for You, praying that one day You will let me walk along side You in your Kingdom.
Because of You I can be me.
Because of You I can be free.
Because of You I am not afraid.

Words

I am invited into a world of words,
that are yet a mystery to me.
I search for interpretation,
on the disguised meaning.
I'm inspired by the words,
that pour from deep within.
But I don't know where they end,
and where my own begin.
I should go to the source and inquire,
the answers that I need,
Because these words that I take in,
I feel like I misread.
I wish someone could help me,
Understand this from the start.
Because I'm left with puzzled questions,
When the pages and I depart.

Our hearts are both broken,
Something feels like it's missing.
We need eachother to lean on,
Trust in me that I'm just here to listen.
Open up your mind,
Show me your heart
You are not broken
Just a little torn apart.
If you need me I am here,
Just like I said I'd be.
The friendship is still building.....Just believe in me.

Dreaming

I close my eyes and fall asleep
And drift into a dream
I'm laying in your arms again
And hearing your heart beat

It's like you never went away
like it was before
When all we ever cared about
Was who loved the other more

I'm staring into your eyes
As you lean in for a kiss
Your face begins to fade away
And reality sets in

I'm forced into consciousness
And realize its just a dream
The right side of the bed's still empty
Where you used to be

Where are you, baby?
You said you'd always be here
You promised you'd never leave
And now it's been a year

It's been long enough
It's time for you to come home
You said our toothbrushes would kiss forever
And now mine stands alone

I'm going back to sleep now
Reality I can't stand
I'm going back to dreaming
Where we stood hand in hand

Goodnight..........

thoughts

so many things
racing through my head
what i'm doing tomorrow
i need to go to bed
as i lye here in bed
i think about more
how i hate being alone
what does god have in store
relationships are hard
being a single mom is intense
laying in this bed for two
doesn't make any sense
the thoughts go deeper
where i thought i would be
by 30 i would be married
working on number 3
when i was a little girl
i had my life planned out
now that i'm older
life's taken a different route
there's got to be more
how long will it take
for me to feel complete
for me to be awake
there is always tomorrow
different than today
"good things will come when you're not looking"
is what they always say
wake up kiley
and take in what is real
don't be so closed up
learn how to feel
know when it's wrong
hang on if it's right
love if you must
but don't ever lose sight
laugh when you want to
cry when you feel like it
be yourself always
don't ever quit
there is someone out there
who will love you for you
all your little quirks
and your girls too
weed out all the flakes
the players and all
don't go for the ones
that won't catch you when you fall

God

Storms will come
and storms will go
It's one of those things
Beyond our control
I watch the rain drops
Fall down from the sky
But like my tears
They too will dry
I was in that storm
And I was the eye
Watching it swirl around me
Letting time waste by
I walked out of that storm
saw the colors shine through
at the end I found gold
And God, it was you.