thoughts

so many things
racing through my head
what i'm doing tomorrow
i need to go to bed
as i lye here in bed
i think about more
how i hate being alone
what does god have in store
relationships are hard
being a single mom is intense
laying in this bed for two
doesn't make any sense
the thoughts go deeper
where i thought i would be
by 30 i would be married
working on number 3
when i was a little girl
i had my life planned out
now that i'm older
life's taken a different route
there's got to be more
how long will it take
for me to feel complete
for me to be awake
there is always tomorrow
different than today
"good things will come when you're not looking"
is what they always say
wake up kiley
and take in what is real
don't be so closed up
learn how to feel
know when it's wrong
hang on if it's right
love if you must
but don't ever lose sight
laugh when you want to
cry when you feel like it
be yourself always
don't ever quit
there is someone out there
who will love you for you
all your little quirks
and your girls too
weed out all the flakes
the players and all
don't go for the ones
that won't catch you when you fall

God

Storms will come
and storms will go
It's one of those things
Beyond our control
I watch the rain drops
Fall down from the sky
But like my tears
They too will dry
I was in that storm
And I was the eye
Watching it swirl around me
Letting time waste by
I walked out of that storm
saw the colors shine through
at the end I found gold
And God, it was you.

Dear Father,

Dear Father,

You saw me straight from my mother's womb,

You saw my first steps across the room.

You heard me cry for the very first time,

You also heard my first nursery rhyme.

You saw my first house chores I did,

And there for my first heartbreak as a kid.

You came to my first cheerleading game,

And you were there on Graduation Day.

Your little girl got older,

Your baby girl became a soldier.

I made you a Grandpa again,

But now the true story will begin...

Yes, You held me when I was born, that's true,

But you hated I wore pink instead of blue.

You witnessed my first steps across the room,

But I assure you father, I was not walking to you.

As a child, you heard my first cries,

However, it was my mother that dried my eyes.

You heard my first nursery rhymes Dad,

from the living room with vodka in hand.

You saw my first house chores I had to do,

But when I failed one time, you were hauled off with the red and blue.

You were definitely there for my first heartbreak you see,

Because it broke every time you hit my sisters and me.

You were there at my first cheerleading game,

Only to watch the football players fame.

You were there my Graduation day,

Happy to have mom to yourself and that I was moving away.

I even tried to make you proud by joining the Army,

But again it was only Mom that came to see me.

And now I have made you a Grandpa again,

But you are too consumed with your new wife's children.

Dad, I have done all I can do,

But it will never be good enough for you.

You claim we were never on your side,

But you never let us into your heart with pride.

We gave you many chances and we didn't ask for much,

All we ever wanted was love and a gentle touch.

But now that I am older I see the truth so clear,

The last tear I will shed for you is right now...right here.

I'm sorry I write with such anger Dad,

But you have lost the 3 best damn things you could of ever had.

So I'm saying I forgive you but I have to let you go,

All you are to me now is someone I used to know.

Goodbye and regretfully,

Your Daughter